More Than a List

Each May the girls are so excited to be done with school. Free for the summer, they are liberated from homework, test scores, lines, lunch rules, dress codes, and any other institutional inconveniences you can think of. Worries about performance, gossip, bullying, fitting in, fire drills all float away like balloons on strings made of soap. They go to bed a little later each night and they wake up naturally in the morning without intention. No one is rushing around and everything is glorious. For about a week. After a week, boredom sets in. Enter summer camps. I've learned, through failure, that our girls need at least 2 weeks of having something organized to do during the summer. Even if it's just half day arts camp, it has to be something. 

Another thing I've learned, is that each summer it takes about a month for our girls to start asking when we can go shopping for school supplies. The girls love school supplies. School? Not so much. School supplies? All over it!  I'm able to stall and push them off for quite a while by saying things like, "It's still June!" or "The stores don't even have supplies out in the seasonal area yet!" My goal each year is to make it to at least mid July. Last Monday I caved and let the girls know I'd be taking them to Target on Thursday. 

On Wednesday, as I walked past the computer I saw an open word document containing Keira's school supply wish list. The list was called "Back to School: A New Beginning." Reading this made my day, for it is brilliant. She could have easily called the list "School Supplies," or "Things I Need," but instead she chose a creative, positive, invitation to a fresh school year filled with possibilities. This is open mindedness.

My smile widened as I continued to read the items on the list and I came to item 3. It said, "Pack of wooden pencils for those who "lost" them." My love of item is two fold. First, I love that Keira is kind enough and selfless enough to think of others. Not only did she make a list of what she needs, but she also used her past experience to prepare for what others will need as well. Secondly, but equally, I love that she is skeptical enough to put the word lost in quotations. Giving without being gullible. This is balance.

On the outside this list may not appear like much to others, but on the inside it is everything to me.
I cherish these moments of discovery because they are tiny validations that the kids are alright. As either a result of our efforts or in spite of them, our girls exist as cool, complicated growing humans. Thinking outside themselves, without losing themselves. Who can ask for more than that?
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Tito and the Rainbow

Boycotts are nothing new. For ages and ages, people have been using their economic and social leverage to make statements, advance policies, and perpetuate the success of companies and countries operating in line with their own values. While I appreciate the efforts of so many passionate, well informed, committed consumers out there, I can't honestly say that I consider myself to be one of them. First, I feel like the complexities of a global economy make it very difficult for any purchase to be "pure." Second, I feel like the amount of time it would take for me to research every business from which I make every purchase would be oppressive. With these two beliefs in mind, I can say that I shop at Target rather than Walmart, and the local independently owned hardware store before Home Depot and things like that. I suppose on the spectrum of informed consumers, I fall somewhere between "completely clueless" and "perfect purchaser." In other words, I try to pay attention and make "better" choices here and there, but I'm not entirely diligent every day.

As it turns out, some days diligence is not required. Some days you're reading the current issue of a magazine you subscribe to and an atrocity jumps out at you from a paragraph on the "World at a Glance" page. For me, some day is today and the atrocity is the anti-gay purge currently happening in the Russian republic of Chechnya. Apparently authorities are rounding up, torturing, and killing gay men in response to the request from a Russian LGBT group to hold pride rallies around the country. This angers me.  I immediately think of the jumbo "don't judge me, it's a waaay better deal" sized bottle of Russian Standard vodka I purchased on my most recent trip to Total Wine. I know instantly, without a doubt, that it will be the last bottle of Russian vodka I ever purchase. Inspired by this recent article, I intend to use my buying/boycott power to make the switch to Tito's vodka. Frankly, one reason I've been resisting buying it is the trendy mainstream hipster perception I've attached to it. Everything is relative of course, and my recent awareness of what is happening in Chechnya puts things into perspective pretty quickly. Hate crimes are far more evil than hipsters, so it's, "Proshchay Russian Standard," and "Hello Tito!"

Now that my future vodka purchases have been swiftly ironed out, I'm still left with one (nearly full), final bottle of Russian Standard. There are many things I could do with this last bottle. I could pour it out while scoffing at the archaic ways that sadly still exist on this Earth.  I could smash it, or better yet, turn it into a Molotov cocktail. Yes! I could turn it into a Molotov cocktail and record a video of myself hurling it at large map of Russia while draped in a rainbow flag. Exciting! All joking aside, the problem is, while any of these possibilities may seem satisfying at first, they all flow from a place of anger and darkness. Truth be told, the money Russia made on my last vodka purchase has long since been spent. Disposing of the contents, no matter how dramatic the manner, is a fruitless  effort that would ultimately leave me feeling empty. At this point in my life, I'm old enough and experienced enough to know that the potential for darkness is everywhere. When we're not careful in our reactions, we can easily slip, step on, or get sucked into, its realm.  Rather than stepping into the darkness in my reaction to what's happening in Chechnya, I will lean towards the light. I will use that vodka to make tasty cocktails and I will drink them. My belly will be warm, and my spirit will be merry. I will be grateful for all that I have and all that I am and I will dance. For those who can't, I will dance. For those in darkness I will shine my light, and with Lady Gaga blasting in the background I will ride the rainbow to Tito-town!
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