Rick, Rick, Rick!

Today I met a four year old who kinda reminded me of one of my favorite SNL characters, except she was much more annoying and much less funny. Okay, so maybe the similarities were weak, but at least I got to remember something I enjoyed.

http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2044264473/

Sorry that link is not live, but I suck at this.

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The Pity Party and Perspective

Generally speaking, I do not enjoy shopping for clothes. Sometimes I forget this and go shopping, but then usually after I try one thing on my memory is instantly jogged and I remember how much fun I don't have.

PITY PARTY: As I stand there in front of the dressing room mirror, I am forced to acknowledge things I would prefer to ignore, or at the very least, conveniently forget about. My feet are too big. My boobs are too small. My waist is fairly thin, but my hips are disproportionately large in comparison. My leg to torso ratio is unbalanced and silly looking, and my skin should be clearer than this at age 29.

PERSPECTIVE: Today is just an off day. I don't always feel like this. I have at least once had a good time shopping. I am fairly fit and relatively healthy, and very thankful for both of those things. I've had two kids, and it cuts me more slack then I need. I have big feet and long legs because I kick so much ass, and what I lack in boobs I make up for in all around likability.

Suck it Trebek!

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And So it Goes...

....the honeymoon is over. It's fine. I'm a grown up. I can take it. Just when I thought we had an understanding, I discover that I may have been wrong about you. You said things that inspired me. You made me feel like a better person. I wanted to help you. You moved me. I believed the things that you said, only now for me to realize the ugly probabilty that you just said them because you knew what I would do if I heard them. You counted on the vulnerability of human nature and you won. I did what you wanted me to, but I thought it was different. I've tried to be diplomatic as you figure out the way things really are in the world. I can't imagine how hard it is to be you, and I certainly don't expect you to take everything in perfect stride. I've cut you some slack as you figure out what you think it best. I'm not saying that I want this to be over forever. I just need a little space right now. Some time to reflect. I'm sure I'll get over it. Afterall, my feelings are only based on the way I've hypothetically played the scenario out in my head a million times. I'm sure I'll be back. I'm not giving up on you completely. Who knows...you may even prove me wrong. In the meantime, while I sort things out, please ask your people to remove me from your e-mailing list. I gave you 25 bucks over a year ago. Get over it.

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Peeps

What can I say about peeps? I love them. Not in the sense that if I could only pick one candy for the rest of my life I would pick them, but in the sense that they make me feel warm with nostalgia. I used to look forward to Easter season because Peeps would magically appear on the grocery store shelves. Back in the day the only kinds of Peeps you could buy were yellow or pink, bunnies and chicks. Nowadays you can get Peeps in purple or green or blue. I still only pick pink or yellow. Also nowadays, you can get Peeps almost all year round - snowman and trees at Christmas, hearts for Valentine's day, and ghosts for Halloween. To me, these are not real Peeps and I do not buy them.

The confectionary evolution of Peeps, has provided me with two important life lessons:

1. Having too many choices is a bad thing.
2. Certain pleasures are more thoroughly enjoyed in moderation.

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Strong Beer Festival

This weekend I partook in my first beer festival. I will say that prior to going, it was very difficult for me not to build it up too much in my head. I've heard such wonderful things about beer festivals from many of my friends. Some of them even travel regularly to different states to experience specific festivals. Nevertheless, I was able, with significant effort, to negate my frame of mind to the point of neutrality. I know someone who would say that I suck for having done this and that the extremes of life are the best part, but to that I would say great expectations lead to greater disappointment, and we'll take it up in another blog.

So back to the beer festival. I feel like it was a little risky for a domestic light beer connoisseur like myself to chose the "Strong Beer Festival for my first experience. It's kinda like losing your virginity to a porn star. I digress. It would be easy for me to slip into the mode of giving the step by step account of my time at the festival, but if I did, I think it would become tedious for me half way through and then I'd end up deleting the whole effing blog. Instead, I'll share some random thoughts about the festival and the night that followed...

1. Strong beers often taste like feet.

2. Hefeweizen is not strong enough to exhibit at the Strong Beer Festival.

3. The day after a beer festival, it will be impossible for you to recall the names of the beers you enjoyed at the festival, even if you sampled them multiple times.

4. I have an embarrassing inability to remember people whom I have met before.

5. Spaghetti, well, any food I suppose, is WAY better when you're intoxicated.

6. Women spend too much time looking in the mirror.

7. Pretzel necklaces rule.

8. Spontaneous star gazing with a loved one is grand.

9. Alcohol is a magical menace that brings secrets to the surface.

10. My self control is painfully remarkable at times.

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Timing

Today I've been thinking a bit about timing. Everyone knows the old cliche, "Timing in life is everything," but it really is very true. Sometimes timing is great and things work out like magic. Other times timing is poor and things can be quite tragic. I did not intend for those last two sentences to rhyme, but the fact that they do makes me want to use them as a launching point for a poem. But I won't. Anyway, as I think about timing I also think about intensity. From intensity my mind jumps toward intentions, and from there I begin to develop a theory that the times we have in life, good, bad and in between, are determined by these three criterion. Intensity and intentions are the concrete elements in the equation, as they are things that can be defined. You are either intensely passionate about something, or you are not, or you are indifferent about it. Similarly, you can have good intentions, bad intentions, or no intentions. One thing to consider, however, is just because intensity and intentions can be defined doesn't mean that they can always be chosen. Enter feelings. The sad thing about intensity and intentions, though, is that even though they make one sick ass tag team, they often fall victim to timing. Timing is a nasty bitch. Timing doesn't give a shit about your intensity or intentions. Timing is the wild card that makes life what it is. A chance.

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2.7.9

Keira is sick and that is unfortunate. The fortunate thing is that she doesn't feel so terribly awful that she just lays around all day cranking and moaning. She's got a fever, nasty cough and weird poo. Hopefully she gets better quickly.

I went to work today for a few hours (to make up for my absence yesterday) and I was able to accomplish enough to ensure my peace of mind for the coming week.

Before work I went to Walmart. I don't enjoy Walmart, except for their low prices. After typing that I realize that it makes absolutely no sense. It's like saying, "You know, I'd really like the rainbow if it weren't for all that color."

For the past week or so I've felt pretty sane and I have really enjoyed it.

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