Becoming a Person in the Past

I don't go to Goodwill very often, but when I do, I mainly check out two areas: 1. The kitchen/housewares section and 2. The book section. In the housewares, I look for neat-o baskets and trays to hold classroom work materials, and in the book section I look for, well, books. Surprising, right? Though I mostly look for books in the children's section (also for my classroom), sometimes I breeze through the "grown ups" section while I'm there as well. Rarely do I find anything I like, but as luck/fate/the universe would have it, last month I stumbled across a book that caught my eye for various reasons. First, it looked old. Second, it had an interesting graphic on the cover. Third, and mostly, I found the title intriguing. It's called "On Becoming a Person: A distinguished psychologist's guide to personal growth and creativity" by Carl R. Rogers. I've been curious about psychology for a fair amount of my life, though I never studied it formally beyond the "C" I earned in Psych 101 in college. I'm sure we must have learned about this dude during that class, however Carl Rogers was not a name I was familiar with. 

Eager to learn about what it was like to become a person in the 50s, I would have surely paid the full 1961 publication cover price of $7.95 to procure this book. Thanks to a random stranger, or a surviving relative of said stranger, however, I was able to add it to my collection for the bargain price of $1.99.

The first interesting thing I read relates to Mr....no, wait...that's the PBS sneaker changing sweater wearing fella....I mean Dr. Rogers' motivation for writing the book. Among his list of reasons, Rogers said he wrote the book because he felt humanity was living in a desperate time regarding tension in human relationships. He wrote, "Man's awesome scientific advances...seem most likely to lead to the total destruction of our world unless we can make great advances in understanding and dealing with interpersonal and inter-group tensions." This fascinates me because I bet that if the same quote were written in any decade, either prior to or since the 50s, it would still ring true. Human nature seems to rely on the projected perception that we're all doomed unless we do something about it right now. Somehow, this is always the most critical time in our lives. That's a-whole-nother topic for a-whole-nother day.

I must admit I stopped reading this book because it became tedious and dry, but before I put it down indefinitely, I as able to extract these enlightening points:

1. Conflict arises through contradiction. At any given time, we have an existing sense of self. Then, we experience feelings and events that are inconsistent with the self we think we know and internal conflict arises. Tension is created as we begin to think in "How can I...when I?" statements. For example "How can I feel bitter towards my children when I am supposed to be a good mom?"

2. External elements play a major role in our perception of self. The self we have come to know thus far is a conceptual creation based on a variety of external factors including gender, birth order, upbringing, religious beliefs, geographical location, parental expectations, societal norms, education, etc. No external elements are innate.

3. Resistance equals despair. The rejection of experiences that do not fit in with our existing sense of self leads to increased conflict and negative emotion. If this emotion is not processed, we gradually move towards the darkness of despair. Alternatively, when we accept our experiences in all their variety and contradiction, we begin to create ourselves authentically in a realm beyond conceptual filters. Simply put, we begin to unmask the self we "should be" and realize the self that we are.

4. Openness to experience is the key to personal growth and creativity. This point is twofold. First, individuals must allow themselves to accept all feelings and experiences naturally, without resistance. Second, and more importantly, we must then accept the nature of our experiences honestly, being careful not to filter in things that are not a part of our actual experience. Rogers says, "When we are open to our experiences there is a greater and more immediate awareness of unsatisfying consequences and a quicker correction of choices which are in error."

5. People are innately positive. Rogers contends that when we are able to function fully and freely as humans through openness and acceptance, we ignite our true capacity for greatness. He writes, "We find we have an organism able to achieve a balanced, realistic, self enhancing, other-enhancing behavior as a resultant of all these elements of awareness." Basically speaking, people want to, and can be, better.


So as it turns out, becoming a person in the 50s is pretty much the same as becoming a person in modern times. Evolving, one experience at a time, Learning how to accept and embrace them all, making adjustments as we go. The difference is back then it was considered ground breaking to do it this way. Thanks Dr. Rogers for writing this book, thanks (possibly passed away) stranger for dumping it at Goodwill, and thank you universe for putting me on a path to discovering it at exactly the right time.

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Politics? Meh.

This election season has me pretty turned off about politics. I know I'm not the only one. The word "season" doesn't feel like the right word to use in that opening sentence. Seasons are relatively short. They change. They pass. They make way for the next beautiful phase of life. Election time, on the other hand, seems to be a perpetual, never ending side show of ugliness that begins earlier and earlier each time it comes around. Media manipulation and mudslinging, fear mongering and rhetoric, conspiracy theories and cover ups, all spun together in the big bullshit blender of "Democracy" churning out toxic societal smoothies to be sucked down by the simpletons. Am I being dramatic? Yes. Negative? Certainly. However, I didn't always feel this way. Once upon a time I was optimistic about our political process and the people running for office. I was passionate, opinionated, and inspired. I was hopeful. Now I'm mostly just "meh."

This year my "meh" has eroded my enthusiasm so much that I almost completely overlooked the fact that for the first time in the history of our country, a woman has become the presidential nominee of a major party. This is a big deal. I explained to my young daughters that once upon a time women couldn't vote even if they wanted to. A little history refresher friends, the United States was 144 years old by the time women finally had the right to vote. This means that twenty eight U.S. Presidents were elected without the single vote of a woman. Furthermore, since we began voting in 1920, we've only had a say in choosing the last 16 out of 44 total Presidents. That's only 36%, which means two thirds of the occupants of our country's highest office were men, chosen solely by men. Time will tip this statistic eventually, but for now, the nomination of a woman as a major party's candidate is a big milestone in our country's history. Regardless of how much I like or dislike the specific woman being nominated, as a woman, I am happy for the progress of our gender and our nation.

Back to my daughters...

This morning I shared with them the news of the nomination and explained how each of the major parties picks a person to run for President. "So, right now," I said, "It's pretty much going to be Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump." They immediately asked who I wanted to win and began expressing their dislike of Trump. This was amusing to me for two reasons. First, neither my husband nor I have been politically vocal this year. And second, the most vocal member of our extended family these days is a big time Trump supporter. So, what's the verdict you ask? Well...

Trump is ugly and mean and he talks like a bully

In addition, they passionately offered up a list of alternatives they would prefer over a President Trump, including, but not limited to:

A frog
OJ Simpson
Uranus (though I'm pretty sure they meant Your Anus)
A talking marble

And now, I smile big on so many levels. This list is cute and funny, sure, but beyond that I smile because my babies are growing up. They are strong willed, passionate, independent thinkers who aren't afraid to tell you their opinions. They process the information they receive from the world around them and they draw their own conclusions. And, though I may gently guide them along the way, I vow to let them find their own. They are are smart. They are strong. They are the women of our future and I, am hopeful once again.

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From the Vault: At Least I'm Talking into the Microphone

Catching up with a cousin this past weekend and reminiscing about good times and laughing a lot inspired me to post this. It's the transcript of the speech I gave at my brother's wedding three years ago. I remember being nervous but excited to give this speech, and a beer or two definitely helped me take the edge off. I suppose I could have put the beer down before giving the speech, but at least I wasn't talking into it. Also, as a side note/update, I'm very close to becoming an aunt, as my sister in law is about to give birth any day now. Three years wasn't too long to wait to be an aunt. 

Good Evening Everyone. My name is Lynn and I have been Brian’s big sister for 32 years.  Let me tell you, it has been exhausting! Our parents always said that if Brian came first he would have been an only child and I gotta say, I really really believe them.  Speaking of my parents I’d like to just take a minute to thank them for this wonderful evening we’re all enjoying and also everything they’ve done for Brian and I throughout the years.  My parents are two of warmest, kindest, most generous people in the world and it is impossible to put into words the kind of support they’ve shown for Brian and I over the years.  The way I see it, there are two groups of people in this room right now; those whose lives have been permanently and positively impacted by mom and dad, and those who simply haven’t had the pleasure of knowing them long enough yet.

  

So as I said, I’m Brian’s older sister.  There are only 14 months between us and my parents planned it that way so we could “play together.”  How did that work out Bri? We had lots of good times, but man oh man did we fight too.  Brian would tease me and cut me down all the time and we got it to some good brawls. You see the difference between Brian and I is that I was capable of showing mercy.  I’d have him pinned on the ground, fist in the air ready to deck ‘em but I’d never be able to bring myself to do it. Where as he, on the other hand, could look me straight in the eye and punch me right in the nose.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I could throw a shoe from across a room like nobody’s business! Brian, as we stand here on your wedding day, I know I don’t have to tell you what a pain in the ass you were growing up because you already know it.  What I do want to tell you, though, is that over time I’ve come to realize that being a bastard to me was your own little messed up way of showing your affection. My biggest critic in a room full of people, but my biggest fan the moment I leave it. While mom and dad’s plan for perfect playmates didn’t work out exactly right, I can honestly say that the gift of you as sibling is the greatest gift I have ever received from them.  I admire your passion and determination and I’ve always envied your ability to dream big.  The happiness you feel today has been a long time coming and you deserve every minute of it.

For those of you who don’t know, Brian and Brittany met several years ago when Brian was 24 and Brittany was, well, jail bait. I always knew Brian would be popular in high school, I just didn’t expect him to be mid twenties when it would finally happen for him. Anyway, the circumstances surrounding the start of B & B’s relationship were kinda complicated and they spent their early days in an exciting and dramatic secret romance.  Now I know what you’re thinking: Brian and drama in the same sentence? That’s weird?!  Except, it’s not. Brian always says that he hates drama, but what he really means is he hates drama that isn’t his. In fact, he’s such a girl sometimes that I personally consider this union to be a big step forward for gay marriage.

 At any rate, after a roller coaster romance for a little while, Brian and Brittany ended up breaking up, and Brittany moved up to Utah.  A couple years after that, their paths crossed briefly again, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that they were able to finally reconnect in a deep and permanent way.  Their relationship is great reminder that so much in life is a matter of timing. For all of us, when the timing is right, good things will come.

Brittany – you look absolutely gorgeous. Let’s hear it for this beautiful bride….Seriously people, this beautiful young woman just married Waaaaz! Brittany, you are a sweat heart and we whole heartedly welcome you into this family.  Being with you has made Brian this happiest he has been is his entire life and I love you for that.  I look forward to watching you guys grow together and one day in the not too distant future becoming aunt. 

 

Brian and Brittany this is the first day of your new life together. The separate paths that lead you to this point are behind you now and the only way forward is through each other.  Your new life together will come with many ups and downs.  Enjoy the good times, but realize that the bad times are just as important, for within them is always an opportunity to grow.  Love each other with kindness, accept each other with honesty and forgive each other with grace.  May the happiness you feel today be just the tip of the iceberg.

Now if you’ll please raise your glass with me in a toast.  To Brian and Brittany, a life filled with love, and good timing.
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This is the New Year

I sit in front of an empty white screen glowing with possibility. Gentle rhythmic clicking of the keys and alternating long pauses of  thoughtful silence are both overshadowed by the unrelenting tapping of my pinky finger on the backspace. Thoughts of healing and closure, wishes of well being and peace, declarations of inspiration and ambition. All are presented and retracted with haste. And so, instead of attempting to directly move and motivate you with my words in this new year, I find it easier to share with you a New Year's Day tradition that revitalizes me.

My tradition is watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I never intended to make this a New Year's Day tradition, it actually happened by accident. The movie was originally released on Christmas Day 2008, and I saw it for the first time in the theater on New Year's Day of 2009. Needless to say, I really enjoyed it. The next year my cousin was in town on New Year's Day 2010 and we decided to rent a movie. She had not yet seen Benjamin Button, and I loved it, so we decided to rent it. Unfortunately in the short run, but fortunately in the long run, Blockbuster (remember that place) was out of rent-able copies, so I bought the movie. At the end of the movie I realized it was the second New Years Day in a row I was watching it, and so, a tradition was born.

The viewing this year was extra special because our daughters watched the movie with me. I've found that one of the greatest pleasures in life is sharing something you love with someone you love. But, when the someone you share it with is a person you are partially responsible for creating, well, then the feeling is near bliss.

Though there are many reasons I enjoy The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the main reason is that by the time the credits roll up at the end, I feel like I have a solid handle on the concept of life. The stories told throughout the film support four major points that unite us all and define the human condition.

1. We're all going the same way. Simply put; we are born, time passes, and we die. No matter who you are, no matter where you live, no matter what you choose, you will end up the same way as everyone else who has ever lived. The only differences lie in the questions of "when" and "how."

2. Nothing lasts. Life is a period of existence based on evolution. Our lives will certainly end. Change is inevitable. Our experiences will modify our thoughts and feelings. Our abilities will wax and wane like the moon. Being grateful for this moment now is the key to happiness.

3. You never know what's coming for you. This is the wild card. The mystery of life. The fate, the destiny. The triumph and tragedy. The energy of the universe. Despite any and every effort we make, unknown circumstances are waiting around the bend. We must surrender to that which we cannot control.

4. In the end you have to let go. To quote the movie, "You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go." So I ask: Since we have to let go of everything in the end anyway, why not make sure we're not holding on to too much while we're here?

These four points are easier said than remembered, and easier remembered than lived. But it is with these points fresh in my mind once more that I set out into 2015 with a renewed perspective and personal mission. This year I do not seek to be happier or healthier, to be smarter or stronger, to be braver or better. This year my goal is simply to be. Breathing my breath, embracing my activity, and appreciating my abundance as I approach

each day like an empty white screen, glowing with possibility.

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Connectedness and Cultural Curriculum

 

 “Let us give the child a vision of the whole universe. The universe is an imposing reality and an answer to all questions. We shall walk together on this path of life for all things are a part of the universe and we are all connected with each other to form one whole unity” (Maria Montessori, Her Life and Work). This quotation summarizes Montessori’s belief in the interconnectedness of all living things. In order to foster a child’s appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things and nurture his innate desire to discover the world around him, Montessori created the “cosmic plan.” The purpose of this paper is to outline the importance of cultural studies and describe how the “cosmic plan” impacts the study of cultural subjects.

The interconnected study of cultural topics is important because it aids in the accomplishment of four main goals. The first goal of cultural studies is to impress children with the grandeur and mystery of life. This is accomplished by starting with the big picture, then refining the scope of the studies to examine the smaller more intricate parts. The “Introduction Timeline” and the “Timeline of Life” are excellent examples of gradual topic refinement. The incredible length of the “Pre Human Era” ribbon when compared to the small piece at the end representing human history is amazing and it provides the student with a greater understanding of the amount of space and time that has been filled in the universe thus far.  After human existence as related to the history of time has been put into perspective, we then dive into the “Time Line of Life” to further study the different eras of how life might have developed on earth.

Another example of topic refinement occurs in Geography as we being with the world and then work down to the levels of continent, and country of origin. Through this global to local progression we begin to meet the second goal of cultural studies; helping children see themselves as citizens of the world. It is important to note that the texture of the Sandpaper Globe and the bright colors on the Colored Globe and Puzzle Maps attract the children to the materials and make them eager to learn about their place in the world. Aesthetics are important in not only the materials, but also the entire environment of a Montessori classroom.  Montessori says, “The whole environment is so prepared that it will attract him (the child), just as in nature colored blossoms attract insects to drink the nectar which they conceal” (Discovery of the Child, 102).

After children have an understanding of their place in the world, progress towards the third goal, developing respect, will continue. Respect in the context of Montessori cultural curriculum includes respect for the self, respect for others and respect for animals and the environment.  Through Botany and miscellaneous science experiments students begin to grasp the concept of cause and effect (i.e. plants will die without water; ice left out will melt, etc.). Through Zoology, children develop an appreciation for the value of life as they are introduced the concept of living animals and the basic needs of all living things.

Once the basic needs of living things have been introduced and identified as the unifying grounds for all life, transition into the fourth cultural studies goal, impression of responsibility, can further develop.  When children value unity in life, it becomes natural for them to embrace their duty to care for and nurture it in every form. This includes not only caring for their own life through personal responsibility, but also caring for the lives of others through interpersonal awareness, cooperation, and relationship building. One relevant tool for the development of responsibility to others is the child’s imagination. Montessori says, “Imagination is a force for the discovery of truth” (Absorbent Mind, 176). The imagination is a set of tools through which children come to understand that which is not present. A balanced combination of real experiences and imagination will help the child relate to people in distant places and times and furthermore realize his unique and important role in the universe.

Montessori’s cosmic plan in and of itself is brilliant; however, we can maximize the benefits of the “cosmic” concept by applying the philosophy directly to curriculum coordination.  By pulling ideas together through a central theme, we can foster a greater appreciation for the connectivity of all things while providing the child with a holistic, well rounded educational experience. For example, with a central theme of gardening, the cosmic curriculum might include activities such as measuring plants (math), seed sound matching (sensorial), classified cards of garden tools (language), crops by region (geography), helpful vs. harmful insects (zoology), putting on gardening gloves (practical life), painting terra cotta pots (art) and a field trip to the local nursery just to name a few.

In conclusion, everything is connected. The best way to convey universal interconnectedness to children and nurture their natural desire to discover the world around them is through a cosmic curriculum in line with Maria Montessori’s cosmic plan.  By providing the child with a solid basis of real experiences in all areas of cultural studies we will give him the tools required to develop a healthy use of imagination that will lead the way for creative thinking, peace, and harmony throughout his life.

Bibliography

Montessori, Maria – The Absorbent Mind – New York: Holt Paperbacks, 1995
Montessori, Maria – The Montessori Method – Mineola: Dover Publications, Inc., 2002
Montessori, Maria – The Secret of Childhood – New York: Random House, 1966
Montessori, Maria – The Discovery of the Child – New York: Random House, 1967
Garhart Moody, Carol – Theories of Childhood – St. Paul: Readleaf Press, 2000
Polk Lillard, Paula – Montessori a Modern Approach –New York: Schocken Books, 1972